Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
