Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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