I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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