Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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