when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
