fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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