did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
