I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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