Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
