exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
