That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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