I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
