I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
