Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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