just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
