She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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