so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
