i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
