The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
