just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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