why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
