Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
