so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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