Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
