I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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