Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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