I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
