just tell him i said nine months
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
That's when you crack a 10am beer
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
