i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The air was thick with penises
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
