GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The best revenge is premature balding
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm too high and old for this...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
