I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
