Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you didnt know i had herpes?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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