well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
there is puke in my bra ... again
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