Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
