All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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