tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
