In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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