small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
