like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
They have beer where we have blood.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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