we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
