the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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