I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
