I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
