Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
