I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
