i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
