Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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