Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
