Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
