My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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