please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
